A Jedi Shall Not Know Love
by Eowyn Organa
Summary: AniPadme. Anakin's POV as he remembers all the times he spent with Padme, after her death. Eps I through III.
1. Fateful Day

A/n: Okay, when I did the Padmé POV, I knew I would just HAVE to go back and do Anakin one day. So here I am. Unlike the Padmé one, Anakin's POV will be over the course of the first three movies, rather than just focusing on the AotC.

**Chapter 1: Fateful Day**

Ever since I was young, there was always one thing I was passionate about, becoming a Jedi.

I had first heard the tale of them when I was very little, perhaps five or so. A space pirate was talking about them. About they were the guardians of peace in the galaxy. How they helped out the less fortunate with their amazing powers. I especially heard many things about the laser sword they carried, how it could cut through anything.

From what I had heard about them, they were immortal.

I used to dream about becoming a Jedi Knight, coming back to Tatooine and freeing all the slaves. No one would stand against me when I was around…I would be so powerful, that I could protect people from others who wished them harm.

That was my goal, my dream, until I found something else I would be passionate about…

Padmé.

Even now, years later, I can still remember her just as she was. So beautiful, so regal, so flawless, the epiphany of perfection. She brought laughter and love to my life. The light in the overwhelming darkness.

Darkness…

I remember holding her in my arms, content for the moment. But only for the moment. Darkness was overwhelming our world, our own little world filled with love.

I wanted to make everything all right for her.

I promised to make everything all right for her.

I did whatever it took to make sure she would be safe…

But it wasn't enough…none of it was enough…

Padmé…she was the only one I ever loved…

The only one I had ever loved, ever since I was nine years old…

I met her on that fateful day…

* * *

So many long years ago, when I was still a slave on Tatooine. When I was still just a little boy, not knowing much about the galaxy. Naive to the evils of the world. I didn't know much of anything, except for the harsh planet where I grew up.

I was a slave to the junk dealer Watto, and, like every day, would have to work in his shop. The day started out like any other, leave at dawn, and then get to the shop before it opened. I didn't usually deal with customers. I usually was out back, either cleaning or sorting out through old, mostly broken mechanical parts.

I was cleaning up a coolant system of a starfighter, and just thinking about how I could maybe secretly use it on my podracer, when I heard the bark of the snippy Toydarian.

"_Boy, get in here now!"_ Watto yelled in Huttese.

I sighed. I'd have to leave my daydreams of my fully finished pod for later. I threw down my cleaning rag and ran into the shop.

"_What took you so long?" _My master demanded.

I replied, _"I was cleaning fan switches!"_

He ordered, _"Watch the store. I've got some selling to do._" I tried not to look at the strangers, but I couldn't help it. The first was a tall man, who was dressed as a moisture farmer. But he didn't seem like any moisture farmer I had ever met. There was something about him that was different. I knew it, but I couldn't place it. Like always, my intuition gave me great insight.

The next one was even stranger than the first. It seemed to be some kind of creature, which could obviously speak like a human. By the way it appeared; I assumed it was from some watery planet. It was obviously as intelligent as it looked. Next to the strange being was an astromech droid. That interested me little, since I had seen them hundreds of times.

Then, my eyes fell on _her. _From the moment I first saw her, I knew she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I hadn't been around women very much, but from what I had known, she was by far superior to the women on Tatooine. Her sight captivated me.

I was brought back from this spell she put around me when Watto switched back to his suave, salesman's voice and said, "So, let me take you out back. You'll find what you need." And with a gruff laugh, he started leading the outlanders to the junk pile out back.

The man glared at the duck billed creature, and grabbed a part out of its hands. "Don't touch _anything._" He said sternly.

He didn't notice that it stuck its rather long tongue out at him once he turned around and followed Watto out of the shop.

That left me alone with the girl. Well, not technically, since that thing was still around, but it was as alone as I could get.

While she looked around, I started cleaning a part, but couldn't help but snatch glances at her. Finally, I had enough courage to ask the question that was on my mind. I took a deep breath, and while thinking, _Here goes nothing, _I asked, "Are you an angel?"

She turned around sharply, looking at me through her dark brown eyes. "What?"

"An angel." I repeated. "I heard the deep space pilots talk about them." I continued, not wanting to stop while she was smiling at me. "They're the most beautiful creatures in the universe."

She came closer, and seemed happy about my previous spoken words. I felt like showing off a bit of what I knew. "They live on the moons of Iego, I think." I gave a small grin.

The girl returned it. "You're a funny little boy. How do you know so much?"

I replied, "I listen to all the traders and star pilots that come through here." I felt like impressing her. "I'm a pilot, you know. And someday, I'm going to fly away from this place."

That seemed to astonish her. "You're a pilot?"

I smiled again, and looked down at the small part I was supposed to be cleaning. She was impressed by me! "Uh-huh. All my life."

Now she was interested. "How long have you been here?"

I replied. "Since I was very little. Three, I think…My mom and I were sold to Gardulla the Hutt, but she lost us betting on the podraces."

The girl was shocked. "You're a slave?" She was definitely an outlander. An outlander from very far away. Everyone on the outer rim knew Tatooine kept up with the slave trade.

But, I was a teeny bit annoyed by that. I may have been a slave, but that wasn't _who _I really was. I told her who and what I was. "I'm a person, and my name is Anakin."

She quickly apologized. "I'm sorry. I don't really understand. This is a strange place to me." She looked a bit nervous at that.

The conversation could have gone on, but the creature that they had brought with them made a disturbance by accidentally activating an old pit droid, causing it to run around the shop. It chased after it, muttering things in its high pitched voice. After a small struggle, it got hold of it, still trying to subdue the droid, and loosing very badly.

"Hey," I told the stranger. "Hit the nose!"

It took a second to register on it, but it swiftly struck the nose, causing the droid to fold back up.

The strange girl laughed. Her laughter made me happier than I had ever been.

"What's your name?" I asked.

For a moment, she looked at me, wondering why I was asking this information, but then she replied, "I'm Padmé."

I remember strongly considering telling her that it was a pretty name, but Padmé's brown eyes gazed around the shop and she said, "You must know a lot of things, if you work in a mechanical shop."

"Yup." I replied proudly. "I'm a mechanic. I build and fix things around our house for Mom." I started babbling on, wanting to tell her everything about my life. "One time, I found this old holoprojector with really old holograms in it. It wasn't working, and it wouldn't have lasted long anyways if I wasn't so good at building things—"

Just then, the strange outlander came back into the shop, looking disappointed. "We're leaving." He said, in an annoyed tone. He looked over at the water creature, who was now trying to pick up parts he had knocked over. "Jar Jar." I took it for the creature's name. Jar Jar fell over.

As the man started leading his party out of the shop, Padmé looked back at me and smiled. I felt my heart instantly lift. "I was glad to have met you, Anakin." And then she left.

I waited a second; unsure of whether I should reply. I yelled after her, "I was glad to meet you too!"

* * *

Upon meeting that strange girl in the shop that day, I felt that it had changed my life somehow, but I didn't know how much. I was too young to realize what it meant. I knew, however, that seeing her was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

I was right. Padmé was—the only thing that was ever in my life that could truly make me happy.

The one person who I was always happy to be around, the one person who could make me laugh.

If I had only known it then.

* * *

A/N: So, here's the beginning of the Anakin fic. So, Like? Hate? Tell me in le reviews, people! I love hearing your comments, even if they aren't so good! 


	2. The Beginning of Worry

A/N: I haven't updated in so long because I've been so busy…and then I went to Anime USA yesterday, so I didn't have time to update…Anyway, back to where I left off…

**Chapter 2: The Beginning of Worry**

After the day I met Padmé, my life changed. I remember, all I could think about for a long time, was her. That's why I followed after those strange travelers, and was able to save the Gungan called Jar Jar from Sebulba. That's why I begged Mom to let them stay, why I decided to help them in the race.

I wanted to help people, but mainly, I wanted to help her.

I remember Mom looking at me in a funny way after I was talking to Padmé. I think she might have known. If no one else figured it out, she did.

But after I won the podrace, after I had earned my freedom from Watto, I was faced with the decision to either stay with Mom, or to leave with the Jedi Qui-Gon, so I could someday become a Jedi.

Even though I didn't want to leave Mom, and I always wondered every day of my life what it would have been like if I had stayed with her, I decided to become a Jedi.

Because…if I was a Jedi…I might be worthy of _her. _

Padmé is what drove me to make all of my decisions. Padmé, and my childhood dream.

But, before I had learned that I was free, I thought that she would leave and never come back. I was a bit heartbroken, being too young to know what real heartache was like. So I decided to make her something to remember me by; a pendant, carved from a japor snippet. It was said that the wood would bring good luck to anyone who wore it, and I hoped good luck for her. I wanted to see Padmé happy.

When Qui-Gon told me I was to be a Jedi, I was overjoyed. I'd have a little more time with Padmé. I could give my gift to her later.

There was one even that drove my thoughts of Padmé from my head, the appearance of the mysterious figure who attacked Qui-Gon. I could see even from the ship that the shadowy creature carried a lightsaber—a red one.

The thought of him made a shiver go up my spine. Qui-Gon said it was well trained in the Jedi arts…and that only meant trouble.

But, being the happy nine year old I was, I didn't think on it for long. I had met another Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi. But, unlike Qui-Gon, I got the feeling he didn't like me.

So much had happened that day, that I didn't go back to thinking about Padmé for a while. I was mainly thinking about my mother…and how much I would miss her…and wondering if I would ever see her again.

Once the ship was in hyperspace, I ended up in a room with Jar Jar, and the droid R2D2. I seemed forgotten as everyone settled down to rest after the tiring events of the day.

I was shivering, I had never experienced space. It was very cold. And, being from a warm planet, it felt ten times colder than it actually was.

I hugged my knees to my chest, thinking about Mom, when I heard the pressurized door whirr as someone was coming in. I glanced near the doorway, and my heart jumped in surprise.

_It was Padmé._

She was wearing orange robes, which I figured were her ceremonial robes as a handmaiden to the queen. Unlike the happy person I saw her as before, she looked worried. Very worried. Almost to the point of sadness.

From what I had been told, her planet was under attack. But it never really had comprehended with me.

Padmé didn't notice me, she walked over to the holoprojector and played a message.

I saw an old man, one whom I couldn't recognize. He had the same look she did, tired, almost to the point of hopelessness.

After the buzz of the message, I heard the man plead, _"The death toll is catastrophic…You _must _bow to their wishes...You _must _contact me!"_

Padmé watched the message, looking even sadder. My heart felt sympathy for her. If nothing happened soon, more people would be killed.

As the hologram faded away, I saw Padmé take a few breaths to give herself courage. She blinked many times, I knew she was blinking away tears. She was so worried for her people. So sad that she couldn't do anything to help them.

She must have noticed me watching her, because she suddenly turned around and faced me.

I couldn't deny that I had been listening, my eyes fell downward.

Padmé gave me a puzzled look. "Are you alright?"

I looked her back in the eyes. I didn't want to mention what I had just seen. "It's very cold." I shivered, remembering the freezing I felt.

Padmé gave me a motherly look, and brought a blanket over to me. "You come from a warm planet, Ani." She said, putting the blanket around my shoulders. "Though a little too warm for my taste. Space is cold."

As we looked at one another, I realized I didn't just know that she was sad. I felt it. I could feel her sadness in my very bones.

"You seem sad." I said.

She took a second to collect her thoughts, as if trying to figure out a way to put it so I would understand. "The queen is worried." She replied. "Her people are suffering…dying…she must convince the senate to intervene."

After a moment's pause, she said, "I'm not sure what will happen."

I didn't like seeing Padmé so sad…so worried…At that moment, I wished that I was a Jedi. A Jedi could make things all right for her…A Jedi would be able to stop the ones hurting her people.

A Jedi would always be there to keep her safe.

_But I'll be a Jedi someday…_I thought. _I can keep Padmé safe someday…_

Feeling a bit sad that I wasn't a Jedi, I wondered what I could do now to help her. And then I remembered the pendant that I had made for her. _It'll help her…_

I took it out. "I made this for you." I said, handing it to her. "So you'd remember me."

Padmé inspected it, smiling slightly. It made me a little happier knowing that she liked it. "I carved it out of a japor snippet." I continued. "It'll bring you good fortune."

When I finished, I looked back at her, wanting to see how my gift would be accepted. "It's beautiful." She said, looking back down on it.

_You're beautiful…_I thought.

"But I don't need this to remember you by." She smiled. I smiled back. That phrase made my heart swell a bit.

She sighed, her smile fading. "Many things will change when we reach the capitol, Ani…But my caring for you will remain."

That made my heart swell up even more. _She cares about me! _My soul cried.

"I care for you too." I told her, wishing this wasn't so much like a goodbye. It reminded me too much of when I said goodbye to my mother. "Only…I…"

She finished my sentence. "Miss your mother."

I looked back at her, unable to speak. Padmé placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. She understood completely. And then I remembered that her mother was probably down on Naboo, now hurting from the oppression, if not dead.

In that feeling, we were the same. And it drew our understanding of each other even closer.

We both missed, and cared deeply for our families.

But, when I thought about how much we were alike, I felt even sadder. We would be in Coruscant soon. Where she would have to go with the queen and plead to the senate, and I would go with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan to the Jedi temple, where hopefully my training would begin.

It was very likely that we would never see each other again, that this would be our last moment together.

_No! _I thought, determinedly. _When I am a Jedi, I will find Padmé again…When I am a Jedi, I will be there to keep her safe…_

That is when I made my promise, to always be there for her, to keep her safe from harm. To make sure that I would always be there to protect her.

But I made one more promise to myself.

_When I am a Jedi…I will make sure that she never cries again…_

Oh, how I wished that I could have kept that promise…How I wish that would have been true.

She cried more often when I was a Jedi…

She cried because the world was becoming darker, more frightening. Things were worse than they had been then, when I was an innocent boy.

I thought that was as bad as it could get, but how I was mistaken.

Back then, that was just the beginning of all our troubles.

That was just the beginning of sadness.

The beginning of worry.

* * *

A/N: I think I drew Ani's self pity out a bit…next time, I'll make the scene longer…

Anyway, I saw HP 4 today…my only word is…Ewwww…I didn't like it at all. I mean, I DIDN'T feel the emotion, Voldy DIDN'T scare me, they gave WAY too many hints about Barty Crouch, AND they turned Neville into some kind of pimp. They cut out WAY too much stuff, and I think the director is a hardcore Harry/Hermione shipper.

(The only put the RHr stuff in there to keep it canon.)

Oh well, at least they put in the bouncing ferret…but why cut SPEW?


	3. We Will Meet Again

A/N: I have never really been the type to beg for reviews, but I've noticed that 300+ people have read this story, and I only have 5 reviews. Does anyone else see something wrong here? I just want to know how my writing is so I can get better, is that too much to ask? It would be very nice if you could please review at the end of the chapter, thank you.

**Chapter 3: We Will Meet Again**

After I got to Coruscant, so many things happened. While I was marched off to the Jedi temple to hopefully begin my training, Padmé went with the queen to appeal to the senate to help out her home planet of Naboo.

I didn't see her at all in Coruscant; she was busy with her duties, and I with mine. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were telling the Jedi council about the mysterious figure, and then they would see if I would be trained as a Jedi.

I felt for certain that I would be trained. Qui-Gon said I would, and I believed him. I couldn't wait for when the Jedi Council would accept me as a padawan.

I can remember how overjoyed I was when Qui-Gon came, and told me he was going to take me to the Jedi Council for them to test me. I was a bit anxious about the Jedi Council. Not the testing, just hearing him tell me that they would have to see me first made me a little afraid.

As I went in front of them, I suddenly felt cold. The Council gave me all grave looks, almost as if they doubted me. But, I apparently passed their test.

But with this, their looks deepened. They knew I couldn't let go of the feeling I had for my mother. And according to them, "Fear is the path to the dark side."

They told me I would not be trained. I remember my heart stopped in my chest. It was unfair! How could they not train me after I had come so far! I felt angry, very angry, that they were denying me my dream, a dream I had ever since I learned what Jedi were!

They were also denying me my chance to protect Padmé…

Qui-Gon argued, but the Council would not listen to him. While they argued, I felt all my hopes shatter.

But, the Council told them not to debate me at the moment. The queen had decided to go back to Naboo. And Qui-Gon was to protect her. I would have to go with him.

Even though I wasn't allowed to be trained, I felt better. At least I would see Padmé again…

As we readied for battle, the queen decided that the only way we could possibly win is if we made an alliance with the Gungans.

After searching for a while, we found their hideout. From their looks, it seemed the Gungans didn't want us there. The queen started trying to negotiate, but suddenly, Padmé stepped forward.

I was confused as to why she was doing this, but I was even more surprised when she said, "I am Queen Amidala."

For a moment, I was confused. How could Padmé, the lowly handmaiden, be the queen? But as I saw her beg the Gungans for their help, it was obvious she was queen.

I saw her in a whole different light; Padmé was much braver than I thought she was. Her bravery made me admire her more.

During the battle, I worried about her a little bit. But I didn't have to worry; she could take care of everything herself.

_Leave everything to Padmé…_I thought.

But the battle ended in a bitter triumph. We had liberated Naboo, but Qui-Gon had died. He was the one who had promised me that I would be a Jedi, he was the one who had gotten me this far, how was I supposed to continue on?

After his death, Obi-Wan, took me in. He promised me that my childhood dream would be fulfilled. "You will be a Jedi. I promise." He was going to train me. Obi-Wan would be my master now.

Even with my happiness at finally going to become a Jedi, I still had a twinge of sadness.

I knew I wouldn't see Padmé for a long time. I was going to live at the Jedi temple, she was going to live in Naboo. Sometimes, I doubted if I would ever see her again.

But, I had the same feeling I had with my mother. I knew, I just knew, that one day, I would see her again. I would have to see her again.

The last day I saw her, before I left for my training, is the day of the Naboo Victory Celebration, also celebrating the alliance of the Naboo and the Gungans.

Padmé stood on the steps of the palace at Theed, looking beautiful, as always. After the globe of peace had been passed to Boss Nass, she looked at me.

I couldn't help but smile at her, and it warmed my heart to see her smile back.

I knew I had to speak to her before Obi-Wan and I left for Naboo.

After the celebration, I asked Obi-Wan if I could go speak to her. Surprisingly, he said yes. I guess he noticed how close we were. I ran off to go find her.

As I walked through the palace, some people looking down upon me because I was so young, I finally ran into one of her handmaidens. "Excuse me, do you know where the queen is?" I asked.

It took her a second to recognize me, but then she told me where I could find her. "You might want to try the balcony, she goes there often." She pointed.

"Thank you!" I said, running off in the direction of the balcony overlooking the city.

While I was running off to find her, I thought over in my head what I was going to say. _I'll tell her, I'll miss her…that I'll make sure I come back to see her one day when I am a Jedi…_

I carefully chose my words; once again, I felt the need to impress her.

I turned a corner, and I saw her. She was still wearing the ceremonial outfit, all dressed in white.

_She looks like an angel…_I thought, gazing upon her more closely.

Padmé noticed I was there. She turned and looked at me. "Anakn?" she asked. "What are you doing here?"

I suddenly forgot my prepared speech. "I wanted to see you again…I'm going to leave soon." Then I remembered my position. She wasn't Padmé the handmaiden. She was Amidala, Queen of Naboo. "Oh!" I bowed low. "Forgive me, Your Highness."

Padmé frowned and shook her head. "Anakin, you don't need to do that here. We're friends, aren't we? You can call me Padmé. It is the name I was born with."

I dared walk closer to her. "Okay…Padmé."

She smiled when I said her name, but it faded. "You're leaving today?"

"Master Obi-Wan wants us in Coruscant right away." I told her, secretly wishing my new master was lenient enough to allow me one more day in this place. Once more day with Padmé…

"Things are going to change for you, Ani." She said, looking back on the city of Theed. "You're going to start learning the ways of a Jedi…you'll finally be able to achieve your dream."

"Uh-huh." I replied. "Once I'm a Jedi, I can protect the people I care about. I'll be able to save people from bad people."

Padmé laughed. "I know you will."

I was making her laugh! "I'll go and defeat the Sith, and I'll show them they can't mess with me!"

"Ani, you're still the same, funny little boy I met in that junk shop on Tatooine." She exclaimed.

I suddenly felt a teeny bit annoyed that she referred to me as a little boy. I didn't want her to think of me as still a child. I sighed. "I'll miss you."

She looked back at me, looking a bit sad. "I'll miss you too."

I didn't want her to look so sad. My last memory of her had to be happy. "Don't worry. When I am a Jedi, I'll come back and visit you."

I noticed that as she looked at me, something stirred behind her brown eyes. It was as if she was looking at me in a whole different way. A small smile once again found her lips. Smiling…the way I loved seeing her. "I'd like that."

"Anakin!" I heard my master calling for me. I guess I had wasted too much time.

I turned away from where I heard Obi-Wan calling from inside. "I have to go now."

She came closer to me. "You're a good friend, Ani. I know you'll always be my friend."

"_Anakin!" _Obi-Wan yelled louder.

"Coming!" I yelled back. I turned back to her. "You'll always be my friend too! Don't forget me!"

She gave a small laugh. "I won't. I promise you."

"Good. Bye!" I yelled, and ran back inside, as I heard Obi-Wan yelling for me once again.

As Obi-Wan scolded me for staying too long, there was only one thought in my head.

_She promised me she won't forget me…and she wants to see me again someday…

* * *

_

That was the last time I saw her, for many years. Of course, I saw her in holograms all over the place, occasionally a far away glance of her when she came to the capitol and I snuck out of the Jedi temple. But I never really met her face to face again for a long time.

I always wondered, and worried, if she still remembered me, or if she had forgotten. If she still had that pendant that I had given her when I was a little boy.

But, I wouldn't let the doubt get me. I always had to be optimistic, for my own sanity during this hard time. _She promised she wouldn't forget about me…_

_And one day, I'll see her again…

* * *

_

A/N: I added in the new scene because I felt this chapter was way too short without it. And I always wondered why they never said anything about their last meeting as children…Stupid Lucas, leaving out all the good parts!

Also, I am begging you, please just review something! Please!


	4. When I Saw Her Again

A/N: Sorry I didn't write all weekend. I went north for a family gathering, and unfortunately, the small town I stayed in didn't have wireless! So, I was left to ponder this scene all weekend. Anyway, here it is, and I hope I get a chapter out BEFORE I go on a trip up there next time.

**Chapter 4: When I Saw Her Again**

So, after that farewell with Padmé on Naboo, I was taken to Coruscant to begin my training as a Padawan. As Obi-Wan had told me, training wasn't easy. And not just the physical aspect, either. Padawans were expected to meditate several hours a day. To sit still and clear their minds of all worry.

I would clear my mind of everything going on, only to be replaced with one person; Padmé.

I missed her so much then. There wasn't a day I didn't think about her. I wondered what she was doing, how she was, what she would look like on that day. I used to imagine what it would be like, if we were too meet again, what she would say to me, what I would say to her.

During those times, I realized that I was more than amazed by her. More than admiring of all that she did.

I realized that I loved her.

Even though I felt joy at that realization, I had to keep my feelings secret. Love is one emotion that Jedi weren't allowed to have. According to the Jedi Code, it impaired and clouded one's judgment, it made Jedi weak. I knew I should have discarded that emotion.

But I couldn't. The love I felt for Padmé was too strong. Soon, it overtook my soul.

I thought about her day and night, and she even haunted me in my dreams. And when I would wake, I would still see her, as I had seen her the night before. All through meditation, I would think about her, without trying to stop.

I kept track of the news, keeping up with her. I saw her in holograms, even saved some, just to keep a look at her. When she came to Coruscant for some matter of politics, I watched her ship, feeling happy, knowing that she was on the same planet I was.

When I was older, and she came to the capitol, I took a speeder, and got closer to the docking bay, and got a small glimpse of her as she exited her ship. My heart raced, I had seen her.

But it would have been perfect if I had been able to see her face.

From then, my love for Padmé only grew, until she was an obsession. Every time I would fight another in training, I would imagine I was fighting to protect her. I was secretly worried, worried that she might have forgotten about me; that she might have changed. I worried even more that she would only see me as the little boy she had met so long ago on Tatooine.

I hoped, that the next time we met, she would see me as more than that. She would see me as what I was to be, a Jedi.

* * *

I didn't hear word of her until ten years after I last saw her. Master Obi-Wan and I were called to the Jedi Council. I was still his Padawan then.

They told us that the Senator from Naboo was currently in Coruscant. After they said that, my heart swelled, since I had heard her terms as queen had ended and she was now a senator.

But after that, the Council had informed us that there had been an attack on her life. I felt fearful for her, an immediately wished to kill whoever had done this.

After their explanation of how it had happened. They told us that a guard had been requested for her; us. We were to protect her while she was here, since we had been told there was a very important debate going on in the senate at the moment.

I was happier that I had ever been in ten years. Not only was I going to see Padmé, but I was also going to protect her! The nine year old inside of me whooped for joy, but my current self had to mask all emotion not to arouse suspicion.

Even though I was so happy, when we got into the elevator for her apartment, I felt more nervous than I had ever felt. I didn't know what to do. After ten years, I was finally going to see Padmé! I had to look perfect. I had to look _older. _I started straightening my Jedi robes.

Obi-Wan noticed my nervousness. "You seem a little on edge."

I was hit with another panic. He noticed! What if he noticed about Padmé? "Not at all." I lied, forcing myself to stop my fidgeting.

He, of course, sensed my lying. "I haven't felt you this tense since we fell into that nest of gundarks."

I laughed. At least my nervousness was taken away for a moment with that memory. "_You _fell into that nightmare, Master, and _I _rescued you, remember?"

"Oh, yes." He smiled and chuckled at that humorous memory.

After that moment, I went back to my original pangs of fear. Once again, Obi-Wan noticed. "You're sweating. _Relax._ Take a deep breath."

He was making it sound like I was worried for no reason. _He _wasn't worried about Padmé seeing him like a little boy. _He _hadn't been haunted by her for the past ten years. _He _didn't want to always be there, protecting her.

There was only one way I could explain it all to him. "I haven't seen her in ten years, Master."

When the elevator finally stopped and opened, I my fear doubled. I was here…and what was I supposed to do? What had happened to that speech I had prepared so long ago?

But, we weren't greeted by Padmé. We were greeted by Jar Jar. He recognized Obi-Wan first. The gungan ran up and shook his hand. "Obi! Mesa so smilin to seein yousa!"

"It's good to see you again, Jar Jar." Obi-Wan said.

The gungun led us into the living room. "Senator Padmé," My heart stopped as I saw the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on walk away from the balcony. "Mesa palos here. Lookie, lookie Senator. Desa Jedi arriven."

When she came closer, I got a better look at Padmé. She was more beautiful than I had remembered, and had barely aged at all in ten years. It had only served to make her more beautiful. Now, I wasn't sure if I would be able to say anything, since all I could do was stare at her. Taking in her beauty.

Obi-Wan spoke first. "It's a pleasure to see you again, Milady."

She shook his hand, and spoke in a voice that I had long remembered. "It's been far too long, Master Kenobi."

Padmé turned to me, and must have noticed that I was staring at her. "Ani?"

My heart soared. She hadn't forgotten about me! I walked closer, smiling. As she looked at me, I looked into her eyes. Those eyes that could see right into your very soul. "My goodness, you've grown."

I felt even more giddy. She had noticed that I was older! Well, it was hard _not _to notice, but that fact that she had acknowledged that I had grown up was enough for me. I needed something to say, since I could barely speak as it was. "So have you." As my eyes washed over her again, somehow, "Grown more beautiful, I mean." leaked out.

She stared at me, her smile gone. Same with everyone else in the room. I hadn't meant to say that out loud. I had to cover up somehow… "Well, for a senator, I mean."

I mentally slapped myself. That made it sound even worse. Fortunately, Padmé was able to help me out in my cover up. She gave a small laugh. "Oh, Ani, you'll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine."

My heart sank. So, she still thought I was a little boy. Even worse, she had used the word 'always'. Meaning I'd always be that little boy to her.

I'd always be beneath her.

* * *

That was not how I had planned things. When we were to meet again, she was to be enthralled by how much I had grown up. Padmé was supposed to be impressed by me being a Jedi.

That was the problem right there. I wasn't Jedi. Even though I was ready for the Jedi Trials, and had told Obi-Wan so, he didn't think I was ready yet. He said I was too 'unpredictable'. I replied that a Jedi must be unpredictable so that the enemy wouldn't be able to guess his next move.

He told me Jedi didn't talk back to Masters' either.

I was angry, I admit it. I wasn't angry at Padmé, I couldn't be angry at her. The problem lay with the Jedi, and Obi-Wan, not letting me move on.

It was their fault she didn't see me for who I was.

But, even though I wasn't a Jedi, I had to act older, in order for Padmé to see me for who I was. That even backfired. At the end of the day, she still thought of me as the little boy she had met ten years ago.

I understood that when we had met, a difference of four years was a lot, but now, it hardly mattered. We should have been equals.

But, to her, I was still four years younger. And she would only see me as such.

I made another promise to myself, one I knew I must keep. I promised, that one day, she wouldn't see me as the little, nine year old slave boy on Tatooine.

One day, she would see me as the twenty year old Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight.

_One day…Padmé will see…_

_And then…_

_Who knows what will happen?

* * *

_

A/N: Short this time, but it was done in a bit of a hurry. Anyway, all the scenes from Attack of the Clones, I did in Padmé's POV in **To Love a Jedi. **I hope that people will check that out, because it helps to better understand the story.

Reviews, Anyone?


	5. Lure of the Forbidden

A/N: Nothing much to say. Why do I even write these notes when I have nothing to say? It only proves that I am indeed, insane.

**Chapter 5: Lure of the Forbidden**

After that meeting again after ten years, I noticed that being around Padmé was even harder now. My thoughts dwelled on her more often than ever; there wasn't a second I didn't think of her.

Being around her was intoxicating. Whenever I was close to her, my mind was not my own. I couldn't think straight, couldn't comprehend what I was saying or doing, I only thought of one thing.

_Padmé._

But these feelings turned sharply downward, into depression, since I knew she still thought of me as a child. She didn't see me for what I was.

That made me angry. Angrier than ever that I was not yet a Jedi, still a Padawan and still, inferior.

When she told me I had grown up, my heart swelled, thinking she had finally seen through the memory of the nine year old boy on Tatooine, but my hope was soon diminished when she told me that I couldn't grow up too fast.

I turned around, and looked her in the eyes, telling her that I was grown up; she had told me so…only to see those chocolate brown orbs staring back at me. I glanced at her, in all her beauty, and couldn't help myself if I went misty eyed looking at her.

I can remember even now as she saw how I looked at her, saw how I adored and loved her, how I couldn't think when looking at her, and how she worriedly whispered, "Please don't look at me like that."

Dormé was still in the room, so I knew why she was whispering. But even with her lowered voice, I sensed her panic. She was frightened because, even for a moment, she saw how much I loved her.

If I was in my usual state of mind, I would have instantly removed the look and apologized over and over for it…But suddenly, I didn't care. I felt rebellious whenever I was around Padmé. I continued looking at her. "Why not?" I whispered back, a small hint of defiance in my voice.

She suddenly walked away, wanting to get out of that situation as fast as possible. "It makes me feel uncomfortable."

As she went back to finish packing, I looked back at her, and couldn't help but smirk. She didn't like it when I revealed how much I was enamored by her. How much I didn't care about breaking the rules. That frightened her. Could it be…she was frightened because she loved me too?

Still smirking, I apologized, "Sorry, milady."

The next day, we left Coruscant. Both of us, on our own. Without guards or Obi-Wan breathing down our necks. Alone. The both of us…Padmé and I…would be alone. The thought registered within me, and it made the fires leap within me.

It made me almost lose all control over my actions. My feelings were displayed so profoundly, that it was impossible for her not to notice. But…I soon noticed that she, too, seemed to be thinking the same thoughts as I was.

When we were bound for Naboo, as refugees, she asked me if my life was hard, as a Jedi. I replied that I couldn't be with the people that I loved.

Continuing our discussion, she asked, "Are you allowed to love? I thought that was forbidden for a Jedi."

I gave a small smile. Ah, yes, love. So it was forbidden. But of course, I had given up caring a long time ago. Yes, it may have been forbidden, but I had felt temptation to love, temptation for the forbidden, for many years. "Attachment, is forbidden." I admitted. "Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi's life."

I continued, looking straight at her, beautiful angel, "So, you might say that Jedi are encouraged to love." I smiled, once again meeting her eyes.

Padmé smiled back, but looked down and broke our gaze. "You've changed so much."

She was starting to notice! With her admiration of what I had become, I spoke without thinking, "You haven't changed a bit. You're exactly the way I remember you in my dreams."

Bad move. Padmé stared at me, her smile lost, and the frightened look once again returned to her eyes. But I noticed something else…something greater. Not really a longing, but more of…a moment of weakness. She looked away and we said no more.

Padmé was worried, and I knew of what. If we both chose a path, a path that I had been waiting for years to lie at my feet, there would be no turning back.

No turning back from embracing the forbidden.

But I, at least, was fighting a losing battle. I didn't know how long I'd be able to keep my sanity around her, with Padmé making my heart race and making my mind lose all judgment.

I was at least able to keep my feelings from bursting into full bloom until that day…

* * *

It had been decided that in order to be protected, Padmé should be moved to the lake country, since it was isolated there. In ten years, I had forgotten how beautiful Naboo was. I was always enthralled by the lakes, the meadows, the flowers, everything beautiful.

The only thing more beautiful than the scenery was Padmé.

On the day we arrived at the lake retreat, she wore the most beautiful dress I had ever seen her in. It was hot that day, and she wore rainbow robes that revealed her bare back.

It took all my self control not to reach out and touch her, to feel her smooth skin beneath my fingertips.

Since I was from a desert planet, I usually didn't feel the heat. But I certainly felt warm that day. Beads of sweat formed on my forehead from this fever Padmé put me in.

As we arrived at the palace after crossing the sparkling lake by skiff, Padmé smiled as she looked upon the place. It was a smile that lit up the day like the sun never could. "This place is so full of memories." She murmured, as I helped her out of the skiff.

As she smiled, Padmé turned to me, making my heart rise. "Let's have a look around."

I smiled back, following her as she led me around the palace, pointing out various things and explaining them to me. She had obviously been there before, but she hadn't told me when. It was a secret that I knew I would have to open, just like many other she had that I wished I could unlock until I knew everything about her.

We ended up on the balcony overlooking the lake, its cool water sparkling in the sun, the meadows and hills behind it a bright green. Everything filled with life. I asked her, "You mentioned you were here before."

She nodded. "We used to come here for school retreat." Padmé smiled as dwelled her past. "We used to swim to that island every day." I remembered the island she had spoke of before. "I love the water." She continued.

There came that word again. _Love. _That emotion that the Jedi weren't allowed to have. But I didn't care. The Jedi weren't allowing me to move on. The Jedi weren't giving me as much respect as I deserved. They said I was the 'Chosen One', but they, like so many others, treated me like a child. At least Padmé didn't anymore.

Padmé. That brought my thoughts back to love. As I stared at her, entranced by her beauty and splendor, I thought, in defiance of the Jedi and their rules, _I love _you.

She led me to the balcony, and she leaned upon it, looking at the island she remembered from so many years before. I wasn't looking at it. I was gazing at her, once again fighting the urge to touch her. She continued speaking, but I was barely conscious of what she was saying, since all I wished to do was stare at her all day. "We used to lie on the sand and let the sun dry us, and try to guess the names of the birds singing."

_Sand! She said something about sand! _What was I to reply? As she looked back at me, I quickly looked away. I started, "I don't like sand." I began fidgeting, flicking away a speck of stone from the balcony. "It's coarse, and rough, and irritating…and it gets everywhere!"

I thought I had made a joke, I threw her a grin, but she didn't respond. I lowered it. I had the incapability to be funny when she was this close to me, looking so beautiful…with skin so soft…

Padmé had such a power over me; this spell she had woven around me was stronger than ever. I had to continue speaking; it was the only think keeping a hold over my actions. I looked back at beautiful Naboo. "Not like here. Here everything is…" I looked back at her, my eyes taking in her radiant form. "Soft…" I reached out my hand. Was I really going to do what I dared? "And smooth…"

And that's when I did it. I lost all free will.

Slowly, I let my fingers trail down her arm, with all thoughts abandoned. All I knew was the pulsing feeling that flowed from her into me. For a second, I was afraid that she would pull away, but she did not. She let me touch her, caress her, feel her smooth skin.

Padmé didn't respond, she just stared forward as if she didn't notice. At first, I felt her tense up when I touched her, but she slowly relaxed. Venturing even further, I let my fingers trail down her back, feeling hypnotized from the contact.

She gave a small gasp, and pulled away, only to look back at me. She may have looked frightened at first, but it was soon replaced with longing. Longing for something forbidden. For something we both couldn't have. And I knew, in that instant, that Padmé also felt the strength of that prohibited feeling.

That feeling, which no matter how much we had resisted, we were falling headfirst into. It was no more a matter of guessing one others emotions, or hoping that one day they would feel the same for you. Now it was a matter of trying to retain one's self despite the enticement.

But the more I stared at her, the more I knew that it was wrong, it made me want even more what I couldn't have. The small smile I had dropped away, as a greater power made me move closer to her, wishing more than anything to close the gap between us.

It was a crazy idea, but something told me to do it. Something controlled me. And I knew it was that same, forbidden emotion. My eyes lay only on her face, and slowly moved to her rose colored lips…

The rebellious thoughts seized me once again. Jedi weren't allowed to love, yet I didn't care. I wanted to love, not caring about the Code. Something so beautiful should not be forbidden. I didn't care about the Jedi or their rules. I cared about one thing in that moment.

_Padmé._

Padmé didn't move away, she let me get closer, so close, that we could touch noses. This was it; we were beyond the point of no return. I closed my eyes, and felt hers fluttering shut.

I heard her gasp silently as our lips finally met.

The whole world melted away. All thoughts of the Jedi and how unfair their rules are left me. It was just Padmé and I, finally together as we should have been. I felt her kissing back, and a fiery passion lit within me; she loved me as I did her! It was almost too good to be true.

The wonderful feeling surged within me, and I wanted more. Without any thought at all, I pressed further—

When Padmé suddenly broke away, much to my surprise. "No!" she gasped, "I shouldn't have done that."

I was still trying to bring myself out of the haze from the kiss. Blinking, hoping it wasn't a dream, it registered on me that I had kissed her.

_I kissed Padmé!_

I loved her so much, but she, at least, was able to keep her head, most of the time. I, however, was lost in my love. Completely lost in all thoughts. My mind was never my own.

Remembering I was supposed to say something, I replied, "I'm sorry."

But that wasn't true. I wasn't sorry. I was happier than I had ever been in my life.

We both looked back out towards the lake, not speaking. Both trying so hard to resist.

Trying to resist the lure of the forbidden.

* * *

A/N: This is longer than I usually make them! It's only because it's a kiss scene…I can usually draw those out…

Anyway, I know it's unprofessional of me (but hey! How professional is fanfiction anyway?) but I would once again ask if you would please submit reviews. Thank you.


	6. Resiting Emotions

A/N: So…I've hit the half point mark in this fic…after this chapter, there's two more from AOTC, and the rest are from ROTS… Anyway, that's it…with no more knews of Star Wars…there's nothing to talk about.

**Chapter 6: Resisting Emotions**

Ever since the kiss, I knew that Padmé loved me. She loved me as much as I loved her. I rejoiced like nothing more in my heart. For the first time I knew what it was like to be loved, to wake up every day and know, somewhere, that someone was loving you.

It was the most wonderful feeling in the world…I couldn't imagine how the Jedi didn't approve of love…something so innocent…so wonderful…

And yet so powerful.

My love for Padmé controlled me, made me do everything I did. I wouldn't stop thinking about her, for that would be a sin. All I wanted to do was to be with her, be with her forever.

That was my wish, but…

_It is forbidden…_

That thought went through my mind several times, yet I didn't care. I knew having a relationship with her would never be easy, since we both led such stressful lives, but, throwing the fact that it was forbidden into the mix; it only served to complicate things.

More than ever, I hated the Jedi's rules. I hated that I wasn't allowed to love her, despite that I already did. That I would have to continue to hide my emotions when around the Jedi Masters.

That Padmé would never agree to a relationship that we had to keep in secret…

I admit, I knew her. I knew her well enough to know that she would not agree easily. She loved me, but…this was something entirely different. Trying to begin a relationship with her was something I knew would have to be carefully planned out…but keeping it a secret…

Still, I could not give up hope. I wouldn't abandon my wish that we could one day be together, happy. I began thinking, of where my life would go from there. I had always wanted to be a Jedi…but having to decide between the life of a Jedi Knight or a life with Padmé…

I was torn in confusion. Nearly going insane from knowing I would eventually have to make this choice one day. In my heart, all I wanted was Padmé, but I couldn't give up on my childhood dream…not when I had labored all these years and was no so close to finally becoming a Jedi Knight…

I thought about being a Jedi…how once I fully became one, I could go back to Tatooine, and rescue Mom. I could free all the slaves. No one would own them again. I could save a person…that's all I really wanted to be a Jedi for. To save people…

But when I thought about Padmé…

She was my passion, my soul. She controlled me, kept me under her hold with this spell she put around me. I imagined us living together, somewhere in the future, happy. I imagined kissing her again, feeling her soft skin, sending fire up my veins. Wrapping my arms around her and holding her tight, as we watched the sun set…

_Why?_ I asked of the Force. _Why am I faced with this decision?_

But, then a thought came to me. A _brilliant_ thought. What if I were to have both lives? I could still have her, in secret, and still be a Jedi…then everything would be perfect. I could save people, free Mom…and then have Padmé waiting for me when I came home at night.

_It will be hard…but I can have both…_I thought, happily. _I will be a Jedi…and I will also have Padmé at my side…_

_It'll work…It'll work…_

The only problem was getting Padmé to consent to it.

But, I had to try, I knew it. Thinking of her, how much I wanted to be with her, made me want that double life more than anything.

I could only imagine the day she would finally be in my arms…there to stay…

* * *

We were still at the lakeside palace, not having left Naboo. And we were still talking, she wasn't angry at me for suddenly forgetting all sense and kissing her. In fact, she was happy about it.

Padmé was happier than I had ever seen her. She used to smile, and one could see the potential for happiness, but no, not them. When she smiled, she glowed, her entire face lighting up with joy.

And it made me in high spirits to know that I was the one that caused her to be so happy. That let her let go of her self-conscious self. That I made her laugh.

That was why, I wanted, more than anything, to always be with her. To always be there to make her smile. I never wanted her to be unhappy again, and I knew I could keep her from sorrow, protect her from sadness.

So, the last night we were there, after dinner, we sat down in the sitting room. Padmé wore a black dress that…by looking at her, all parts of me burned with desire. What I wanted more than anything…was Padmé.

She must have noticed I was staring at her, and she nervously shifted aside. I didn't care. Looking at her made my heart race and my stomach burn.

_Do it now…_ My head commanded.

I wasn't exactly sure where to begin. What could I say? That I loved her more than life itself, and I wanted her to be with me more than anything? I couldn't do that…it was far to direct…I had to win her over, but I didn't know what to do…

I took a deep breath and spoke anyway. "From the moment I met you…not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you."

I looked into her chocolate eyes. There was that look again. Of fear. She knew what I was getting at…tempting her to agree to this forbidden love. But, I couldn't stop there. I had to show her that there was nothing to fear.

_I have to built up to it_, I decided. "And now that I'm with you again, I'm in agony." Padmé moved away from me again. I had to keep going, showing her that it was all right. "The closer I get to you…the worse it gets."

She glanced back at me, but suddenly looked away. But I saw the look in her eyes, for a second, Padmé contemplated what I was getting at. "The thought of not being with you…I can't breathe." I couldn't imagine living life without her.

I knew by her face, that she wanted me to stop, but I was too far gone now. Her intoxicating presence, the fire, her dress, this beautiful place, everything combined made me keep going, blindly on, not comprehending what I was saying. I found my lips saying, "I'm haunted by the kiss, that you should never have given me." _That kiss…it was forbidden…_I knew of the danger, but I was not afraid, as Padmé was. If anything, I was thrilled by it.

I moved closer. My mind on one thing, _Padm_é…"My heart is beating," she turned sharply, "hoping that the kiss will not become a scar."

But, I remember, my last words were consciously from me. And they spoke the truth. "You are in my very soul, torturing me." She turned away, almost upset by my ramblings. I didn't understand why she was upset.

It was time for the final question. "What can I do? I will do anything you ask…" I looked down, knowing what I wanted her to respond. I wished she would ask me to love her, Force, how much I wished it at that moment! I wanted her to say she wanted us to be together, always, to never be separated.

I wanted her to finally give in to our passions.

But my heart sank, when she said, "We can't…we can't, its just not possible."

I wasn't going to give up this easily. I loved her! I needed her! Why didn't she see that? "Anything is possible, Padmé, listen to me—" I pleaded.

"No, you listen!" she jumped up, moving away from me, towards the fireplace. "We live in a real world, come back to it. You're starting to become a Jedi…I'm…I'm a senator." My heart sank even lower. She had pointed out the truth. I was a Jedi Padawan…forbidden from such emotions as love, and Padmé was a senator, with an obligation to her people…

I pretended not to care about this, but in that moment, deep down within me, I admitted it. I did care. I knew that these emotions for her were forbidden. Any relationship I could have with her was forbidden…It would be hard, to keep such a secret from the Jedi…Almost impossible…

Padmé continued. "If you follow you're thoughts to conclusion, it will take us to a place we cannot go, regardless of the way we feel about each other."

My heart suddenly swelled despite it being crushed a minute ago. She had said she felt something for me! She had finally admitted it! "Then you do feel something!"

But she wouldn't listen to reason. "I will not let you give up your future for me."

That thought hit me. I couldn't respond directly to that. If we were to have a relationship that would work out, I would have to leave the Jedi order. Oh, how in that moment I wished I could. I stood up, walking toward her. "You are asking me to be rational. That is something I know I cannot do."

Something had to be said to get her to agree…I needed her… "Believe me, I wish that I could just wish away my feelings…but I can't…" _You are too much a part of me…_

We were both young, and in love, but Padmé was older. She was the mature one. "I will not give into this." She stated, defiantly.

That's when I knew, there was nothing I could say that would make her agree. She wouldn't, and if I kept at it, she would probably forsake her love for me…My heart sank deeper…_We can never be together…without danger…_

But, desperately, I remembered the double life that I wanted. The one that Padmé had convinced me out of, knowing it would be too hard. But it was the only option. I stopped. "Well, you know…it wouldn't have to be that way."

I turned to her, and she looked at me, puzzled. I replied, "We could keep it a secret."

For one wild moment, I expected her to say "Yes." Her eyes showed that she desperately wanted to, but she knew…it would be a life of risks. Always worried that we might get caught…not being able to see each other…it would be a terrible life. "We'd be living a lie." Padmé replied, crushing me. "One we couldn't keep even if we wanted to…I couldn't do that. Could you do that, Anakin? Could you live like that?"

Oh, how much I wanted to tell her I could, but I knew…it would be a hard, and stressful life…it would eventually lead to madness. "No…you're right…it would destroy us."

I looked back at her, and the same thought passed through our eyes. _If only…_

Even though Padmé told me she wanted no part in such a life, I did not abandon all hope. I still held on to my dream, my foolish, dream, that one day, she would be mine, even if I'd have to turn the galaxy upside down for it to be…

* * *

A/N: This was SO HARD! Personally, I don't think this is one of George Lucas's better scenes. Anakin and Padmé don't sound real. They sound like they're reading lines. And also, no matter what angle you look at it, Anakin doesn't sound right, or keep thoughts coherent with his personality and mindset…

But I did my best…even if it did seem a bit off…


	7. Giving in to Tempation

A/N: Decided to update because I have nothing better to do. Okay, my thoughts on this scene are thus: Even though the previous scene fell short in dialogue, I think this scene is downright beautiful. Enjoy.

**Chapter 7: Giving in to Temptation**

After that night, I knew, I could pursue Padmé no longer. At least, not then. Even though I loved her so much, she started me on having doubts.

_Love is forbidden…_

_But I love Padmé…_

_You would never be able to keep it a secret…_

_I don't care!_

_Most of all, she doesn't want it…_

But sense had sunk in. It was easy with everything to get lost in my tender thoughts about Padmé, but the harsh reality was that we were both in a position that made it nearly impossible for us to be together.

The smart thing would be to give up, and just wish we could stay friends.

But, I could not! I wanted to be with Padmé so much…but I knew we couldn't…

It was just not possible.

But, though I had thought before of my disappointment, there was a new crisis on my hands. With the nightmare about my mother being in pain, I didn't worry about my dreams with Padmé. I was more worried about her.

I still missed my mother from when I was a young boy. After all, I hadn't seen her in ten years. But I hadn't heard what had happened to her. In my dreams…I saw her tortured, crying. I couldn't stand to see her in such pain.

I knew I had to go. I was a Jedi. I had to go and save her. I knew that I could save her.

When I told Padmé, she decided to come with me. She knew that I would need support.

When we got to Tatooine, I found out that my mother had been sold from Watto. He had sold her to a moisture farmer, who had supposedly freed her and married her. This information puzzled me, how could she be in pain if this had happened to her? What if this farmer called Lars was the one doing it to her?

The unfortunate thing was, I did not see where she was in my dreams. If I had, it would have saved me a lot of trouble; a lot of time…it probably could have saved her life.

When I found out she had been taken by Tusken Raiders, I was devastated. I knew I had to save her. But as I looked back on Padmé…I suddenly felt afraid for her…afraid that this sort of thing might happen to her as well.

But…I was too late to save her…to late to save Mom…I didn't get there in time!

I could hardly control my rage. My lust to kill the vile creatures that had killed my mom. I lost all reason, all control, I wanted to see them all dead. They would die for what they did to Mom!

But after I had calmed down…I saw what I had done…I had killed things, beings…With my own hands…I had spilt their blood, all in a blind rage…

I had killed things…

I was a murderer…

They killed Mom…

I hated them…

And I killed them…

I was a murderer…

These thoughts were still within me when Padmé tried to cheer me up. But she couldn't…I was still in too much shock from it all. Mom had just died…and now I had broken the ultimate Jedi rule…I had killed innocent beings…I hated them.

But I didn't care! They deserved to be hated. They were evil, vile creatures…and they killed my mother! They deserved to die!

But…I still couldn't help feel remorse.

I felt worse when I saw the look on Padmé's face when I told her. She was afraid…afraid for me…afraid for my feelings after what I had done…She tried to comfort me, but I couldn't be comforted.

I still wasn't completely over it when we left for Geonosis, in order to save Obi-Wan. But, I had to get rid of my self-pity quickly, since there were other tasks at hand. When we first arrived on Geonosis, I was confident that we could get Obi-Wan back without much struggle.

But, I suppose I had over-estimated my abilities. We were captured.

And were going to be executed in the Geonosian arena.

I was worried, but not for me. I was worried for Padmé. Because Padmé…I couldn't bear to see her die. I couldn't bear to see her blood spilled all over the dirt.

I couldn't bear to see her die like my mother had.

Yet, I knew, it was practically impossible to survive this. I had heard tales of the cruel Geonosian arena when I was a boy living on Tatooine…I knew that no one came out of it alive.

And they were sending Padmé and I into it. Into death.

As we were loaded into the cart and chained to it, my eyes kept flying to Padmé. She was showing no fear, as always, but I knew, she must be a little afraid. I knew she must know of our vain hope that we may survive.

I heard the murmur of the crowd, a crowd cheering for our death. My stomach gave a jolt. We were going to die, I knew it. At least I was dying with Padmé…

My eyes glanced back to the woman I loved. She was avoiding looking forward, looking at the battleground where we would attempt to fight for our lives. She was worried, I could tell, no matter how much she tried not to show it.

I didn't want her to be afraid. I couldn't stand to see her worried. It broke my heart when she looked like that.

I wished to calm her. "Don't be afraid." I told her.

She turned to me, her eyes full of emotion. That thing I saw in her eyes so often now. _Longing._ "I'm not afraid to die." She whispered, she took another breath, as if urging herself on, "I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life."

This puzzled me. I didn't know what she was saying. Did she regret everything we'd been through? Did she not want to be with me? I stared at her, but she held the same look on her face. Hesitantly, I said, "What are you talking about?"

I could see her lips resisting, but after a small breath, she said the words I had been dying to hear ever since I had seen her again after all those years. Those words that were forbidden, those words that set my soul on fire;

"I love you."

My heartbeat rose to a crescendo and a pace that I hadn't thought possible, If I had wings, I would surely be soaring above the clouds. _She said it…_repeated in my head. _She loves me…Padmé loves me!_ She had said it so innocently, so purely, that I knew it only had to be true. _Padmé loves me! Padmé loves me!_

I felt dizzy, intoxicated, the same feeling I always had around her, only it was much worse. It was hard to speak. I blinked in surprise. "Y-you love me?" She only bit her lip in return, confirming what she had said. I tried to breathe again, but one thought silenced my happy and rejoicing thoughts. It held me back from saying those words back to her.

My eyes fell down. "I thought we had decided not to fall in love…That we'd be forced to live a lie…" I looked back at her, repeating her words. "And that it would destroy our lives.

Pained, she replied. "I think our lives are about to be destroyed anyway." And then that anguish hit me again. We were going to die…But I was going to die with her…the woman I loved…and the woman who loved me.

But I wasn't afraid, I couldn't be, knowing that she loved me made me calmer, made me not care anymore. _At least I am with her…_

There was no more fear in Padmé's chocolate eyes as we got closer. "I truly…" she whispered, "Deeply, love you…"

Her lips were only an inch away. We could kiss once more, a testament to our love, our forbidden emotion, that we couldn't resist. No matter how hard we tried not to, we had fallen in love.Had given in to temptation.

"And before we die, I want you to know."

With a small struggle, we were able to touch lips for what we thought might be the very last time. It was a small kiss, yet it sent electricity up my veins, as always. But knowing that Padmé loved me made it all the more precious. We couldn't hear the screams of the crowed, and it didn't matter anymore that we were going to die shortly, we both loved and desired each other, that's all that mattered.

We only broke the kiss when we were almost into the arena, looking deeply into each other's eyes, only to see the same love reflected in them. If there had been another place, another time, we would not have stopped. If Obi-Wan hadn't been there, we would have continued. But Obi-Wan…I knew how he would get if he knew our beautiful secret. He was, a Jedi, after all.

As the crowd roared, and we were brought into the center, a fierce desire to live sparked within me. I didn't want to die here, I couldn't die here. I had to live—we _both _had to live, so we could be together and love one another!

I made a happy sigh as the cart slowed to a stop. _I love Padmé…and she loves me…_

_We have to be together…we can finally be together…like I've always wanted!_

I gritted my teeth in the prospect of what we faced. _And that's why, no matter what, I can't let her die…_

_I won't let her die like my mother!_

We had both given into the forbidden, broke the rules, and gave into what our hearts wanted. And I knew, she was thinking the same thing. No matter what we faced, we had to live.

So we could be together. So we could love each other…in secret.

* * *

A/N: Well, I tried to do this okay. Personally, I think there's so much more to put into Padmé's view of this (See: **To Love a Jedi**) since she is the one whom in this scene decided to love Anakin, whereas he loved her anyway.

Well, I tried. I also tried to show the dark side starting to stir in him. Did I do okay? Criticism loved!...If its not a flame…


	8. Sealing Fate

A/N: Boring day. Might as well update.

**Chapter 8: Sealing Fate**

After that moment before we were led out to what was thought to be our death, I knew, I couldn't let her die. We _both _couldn't die.

I wanted us to be able to live together, sharing our love. More than ever, I desired that.

So, in the Geonosian battle arena, I fought as hard as I could, constantly checking on Padmé. But I didn't have to worry. She seemed to be doing better than I was.

Even though it seemed like we were doing well, suddenly Obi-Wan, Padmé and I were surrounded by destroyer droids. There wasn't much we could do against them.

For a moment, I thought we had lost.

_We lost…_

_Padmé and I…_

_We're going to die…_

A sharp fear pierced my heart.

But all of a sudden, out of nowhere, several Jedi appeared, coming to our rescue! The droids focused on them, giving us time to grab weapons and enter the second stage of this fight.

During the battle, where blasts whizzed past my face so close enough to singe my hair, I kept Padmé at my side at all times. Obi-Wan had gotten separated from us, But I would not let that happen to Padmé. I had to make sure she was safe.

That she wouldn't die like my mother.

No matter what the cost, I vowed to keep her alive.

But, even with this new help, we were soon vastly outnumbered by apparently the second version of battle droids. Count Dooku, apparently in charge of the separatist movement, tried to bribe us for our lives.

Mace Windu refused.

And so, once again, we resigned ourselves to our fate. To fight until death.

When, once again, unexpected help came to our rescue.

Master Yoda had seemed to procure a clone army that I learned later was secretly being built for the republic. They gave us enough time to board a ship and escape that Sith-cursed arena.

For a second, I thought we were safe…

Until I spotted the battle that was taking place outside of the arena. Between the clone troopers and the droids of the Separatists. This battle was bigger than I thought.

As we skimmed over the battlefield, we saw Count Dooku fleeing on a speeder, like a coward. We were intent on chasing him down—

Until the ship was hit, and Padmé fell out.

I turned, and watched her fall, landing on the sand dunes. Down on the ground where she was vulnerable. Where she was out of my protection. Where she could die.

I immediately lost all thought of catching Dooku.

I yelled at the pilot, begging him to lower the ship, but Obi-Wan disagreed. He told me that he couldn't take Dooku alone. That we had a job to do, as Jedi.

That was not the first time I hated the Jedi principles, but at the time I was the most angry with them. Because I was a Jedi, I couldn't go back and save her! I might let her die!

I begged and pleaded with Obi-Wan, but he would not relent, being stuck in his _Jedi _ways. He told me I needed to come to my senses, that I would be expelled from the Jedi order.

I guess, in a way, he knew.

But I didn't care. If it came between letting Padmé die or being expelled, I would take expulsion. At that moment, _nothing _would make me leave her.

Until Obi-Wan asked me what Padmé do in my situation.

That made me think. Padmé, though still loving me, was different. She wouldn't get like this. She wouldn't risk expulsion. I sighed. I was defeated. "She would do her duty."

As we sped off, I still felt remorse for leaving her there.

As Master Obi-Wan and I jumped into the hangar to encounter Dooku, I felt immense anger as I remembered what this man had done. He had started the Separatist movement, he had been the one responsible for all this fighting, the one responsible for putting Padmé in so much danger.

The one who tried to get Padmé killed.

My blood surged in anger; I didn't listen as Obi-Wan told me not to run for him. Instead of meeting a lightsaber, and shredding him to bits, I was hit by Sith lightning.

I was a terrible, painful feeling. It felt as if my body were on fire, as if I would explode. Darkness flooded through me, and I would have done anything to make it stop. I was left gasping, thankful it was over, but still unable to move. It was pain that I will never forget.

As the rest of the fight progressed, I soon had to jump up and take Obi-Wan's place, pain forgotten. But, I was too driven by anger, too angry at this Sith Lord who had killed so many, who tried to kill Padmé…that I got cocky.

I failed. And Dooku won. He sliced off half of my right arm.

I didn't see much of what had happened next. I was in pain and in too much of a shock. I couldn't look over at it. All I knew was…_It's gone…my right hand is gone…_

I barely noticed anything until I heard an angelic voice fill the hangar. "Anakin!"

My stomach did a jolt. _Padmé! Was Dooku still here? He could hurt her—_

But as I got up, I saw that he was gone. As Padmé ran to me, and saw the stump of what had been my arm, she gasped. I hated that look…that look as if I was something not human.

And more than anything, I hated Dooku for doing this to me. I vowed that next time we met, I would kill him.

After that encounter. I was fitted with a mechanical arm. I hated it. It wasn't like I was human anymore. I was part machine. The only brightness was that Padmé said she didn't care. If it was a part of me, then she didn't care at all.

What happened in the week after the fight with Dooku was a blur. Padmé and I had finally admitted our love to each other, but we didn't see each other much. Obi-Wan and I had to report to the council, and she had important votes in the senate. I wondered if we would ever see each other again.

Until, I was ordered to once again be her escort, according to the council. Since Senator Amidala had decided to go back to her home in Naboo for a rest. When I talked to her about this, she smiled. She thought exactly what I had.

We both went back to that beautiful planet, back to that beautiful lakeside palace, to start our lives together. We would only be there for a couple days, since I once again had an assignment, but I didn't care…it was enough.

We wanted to spend as much time together as possible. We arrived at the palace in early afternoon, and Padmé rushed to her apartments, telling me that the priest would be here in two hours.

I thought my heart would burst. _Priest? That means that…we're…_ I was in too much joy and shock to speak, but then I felt like bursting out laughing.

I didn't even need to ask her. She knew what I wanted and had taken care of everything herself, like she always did.

And I loved her more than ever for it.

When she emerged from her room, dressed all in white, looking like an angel, I was stunned. She was more beautiful than I had ever seen, her radiance shining like the sun, making everything else dull in comparison.

The only other time I had this feeling was when I was nine…ten years ago when I met that strange girl in Watto's shop…

And now, I was getting married to her. To the most beautiful woman in the world.

As we stepped out on the terrace, the terrace where we had shared our first kiss, I saw the priest was already there, with C-3PO and R2D2 silently observing.

I don't remember what exactly was said, I was too happy. I just remember the feeling of Padmé's hand in mine, the softness of her voice as she proclaimed her wedding vows, how she shimmered in the setting sun…

Finally, the priest declared us married and left as I slipped the wedding ring onto Padmé's finger. My joy swelled. _My dream has come true. She's really mine! _I thought.

And we grasped hands, her touching my mechanical hand without pulling away at the coldness of its touch. We looked deep into each other's eyes…and our love was communicated silently through her dark brown orbs.

Not being able to hold back any longer, we kissed innocently. With that kiss, we sealed our love. We sealed our fate. We were bound to each other, not by law, but by love.

The kiss broke all too sudden, but it didn't matter. At that moment, nothing mattered. Not the war, not the Jedi, nothing. Just ourselves, in our little world of happiness and love. We looked back at each other, with small smiles on our faces, an then looked out on the lake, watching the sun set.

With that day, my dream for so long had come true. Padmé and I were together, and I knew nothing could ever change it.

But, ignorant as always, I thought the struggle had ended. That everything would be all right now.

Oh, how wrong I was.

* * *

A/N: Loooong intro. I guess its cuz the scene contained no dialogue, I had to make the intro long…anyway, next is ROTS part.

I'll tell you right now, I don't own it as of the moment. My mom wouldn't let me buy it because she already bought it for me for Christmas, so I have to go off memory and on-line scripts. Please tell me if I get anything wrong.


	9. Secret Passion

A/N: SNOW DAY! Well, I'd better update before I go out and play in the snow…I slept until about noon…Anyway, here we are at Revenge of the Sith (Thank the Lord. I FINALLY get to make Ani evil.) and thus, it begins…

**Chapter 9: Secret Passion**

For three years, Padmé and I enjoyed our happy lives together in secret. It was hard for the both of us, with me coming back to Coruscant for less than a week, and then off again for a month in order to fight in the war. The worst part was my last day spent with Padmé, before I had to leave again, because I always knew the next day, Padmé would be gone from my arms…

I missed her so much during those times. I thought about her constantly, sending messages through when I could, but trying to keep them vague, in case anyone else got them. I admit, I was always nervous and jealous, secretly fearing that another would come to try to steal Padmé away from me.

But every time I came home, and I was greeted with her warm smile, her tender kisses, I knew my fears were not justified. She only wanted me, Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight.

That thought used to make me laugh in happiness. _Jedi Knight._ A little less than sixth months after I married Padmé, I finally became a Jedi.

And so both my childhood dreams came true. I was a Jedi, and I had Padmé. Everything had come full circle.

I had always thought that when I had achieved those things, the struggle would end. But it didn't. There was still a war going on. And until that war was over, my life was filled with hardship. It would follow the same cycle; finally come home after weeks of being away, fighting in the war like the Jedi I was supposed to be, spending some time with Padmé and settling into what my life _should _have been, only to be called back to the Jedi council with another threat, and to regretfully leave Padmé to fight in the war again.

No matter how much I disliked being pulled away from the arms of my beloved because of Jedi "duty", I knew there was no other choice. That was the risk I had to take with leading a double life. The risk of loving in secret.

But I hated it. I hated every minute of having to leave her, angry at the Jedi for making me leave her. Padmé would try to calm me, telling me that it was for the best, because ending this war would make it better for us, but a small part of me didn't listen.

A small part of me hated the Jedi for not letting me live in peace with Padmé.

And that's when I decided that when the war was over, I'd tell the Jedi about us. I couldn't stand being drawn away from her anymore, I couldn't stand her face, looking like she was about to cry, the minute I told her I had to leave again. And I couldn't stand being torn from her, she being the only one that I could fully put trust in.

If no one else did, Obi-Wan certainly sensed that I was missing someone back in Coruscant. He was always the first to know when I was upset. He would remind me that attachment and possession was forbidden, and I would reply that I knew. But inside, I didn't care. I had never cared.

During those times, Obi-Wan and I grew closer. We went from a father/son relationship to almost like brothers. We were the best of friends, I guess. Always watching each other's back and going on missions together, like when I was his Padawan. Except it was different. I was his equal.

But, I never told him about Padmé.

Even though he was my best friend, my mentor, I knew I could not tell him. He was too much stuck in the Jedi ways, he would have told, he would have gotten me expelled. I didn't risk it, even though Padmé told me it might be better if we did tell him. I didn't want to tell him. Obi-Wan would be appalled, for sure, but I also wanted to keep this secret to myself.

I didn't want to take any chances. The Jedi were too unforgiving. I knew there was no hope of me negotiating with them. They wouldn't negotiate. They only liked getting what they wanted, so long as it agreed with the "Code."

I was a Jedi, and I liked being a Jedi, but I didn't like how stubborn most Jedi were in their ways, including Obi-Wan.

Even though I didn't like some of the codes the Jedi imposed, I had to keep with the order. For that time, at least. It was the only way the war could end. During those three years, I had risen to a higher status, becoming the "Hero with no Fear". I knew, if I could end this war…then I could go and live with Padmé. In peace.

The last time I left, I dearly wish I didn't have to go. I had only been back in Coruscant a week after a two and a half-month mission. And then I would have to leave for the Outer Rim, for who-knows-how long.

More than ever, I wanted to stay with Padmé. She wasn't feeling well, and was visibly showing signs of sickness. I supposed it was because of all the stress put on our lives. She absolutely refused to go get it checked out, which puzzled me. But, with a little bit of inducing, I finally got her to agree to it if the sickness remained when I got back.

It looked to me that she maybe was a bit…afraid of finding out what it was, which made me wonder what exactly it was that she was worried about.

Padmé promised me she would see me off, but she couldn't come, because she was sick again. At least I knew she was in the care 3PO and Dormé, who promised me they would look after her.

Still worried, I even asked Obi-Wan if he thought that something serious was wrong with "Senator Amidala". But Obi-Wan said I shouldn't worry. He thought it might have been a bout of the Alderaanian Flu, nothing to fret about.

But I couldn't help but lose sleep over it. Something told me it wasn't just a bad case of the Alderaanian Flu, that it might be something else…

And, five months later, I was about to learn what it was…

* * *

I had finally been allowed to come back to Coruscant, after five months of longing for Padmé. I didn't have to worry about her being sick anymore. A month later she told me it had gone away. But the time apart nearly killed us. I couldn't hide my feelings anymore, all the time I would dream of the moment when I finally had her back in my arms again.

The chancellor had been kidnapped, and the council appointed Obi-Wan and I to lead the attack. I can't really say it was easy, after all, the attack nearly failed several times, but luck seemed to be on our side as Obi-Wan and I infiltrated the new general of the Separatists, General Grievous's starship.

When we finally found the Chancellor, he was being held hostage. By Count Dooku. I could feel my blood raging when I once again met up with this former enemy. I felt even more anger when he mocked me, thinking I was the same, inexperienced, boy he had met three years ago.

_I'll show him! _And more than anything, I wanted to kill him. When I touched my lightsaber with my mechanical hand, I remembered the pain I went through, pain because of him. How I hated him!

As I fought, I felt the hatred rise within me. This man was responsible for the Separatists! He was responsible for the war! He had killed so many Jedi! He was the reasons why Padmé and I couldn't live in peace!

But when he mocked me about my anger and my hatred, I had to calm it. Though my emotions begged to be used, I couldn't use them. That was the mark of a Sith, one who used his emotions to his advantages. And I wasn't going to give in to beat someone as insignificant as him. One could have anger, but could not use it. That only led to terrible things…

Count Dooku was less skilled then I had remembered. I defeated him easily and was planning on holding him prisoner. I had captured him…I had ended the war…

"Kill him!" The Chancellor told me.

I didn't want to. It was not the Jedi way. But he kept insisting, and then my anger came back. Dooku was responsible for all my pain…all my suffering…why Padmé was being worn out with stress…he was the cause of all this…_He caused everything!_

I killed him.

Instantly, I felt an empty hole in my heart. I shouldn't have done it. Jedi did not kill unarmed prisoners, they let them live. I shouldn't have done it…But the Chancellor assured me it was all right. I had only wanted revenge.

But the thought stuck out at me like a sore thumb. Jedi never took revenge…

The rest of the rescue consisted of making things up as we went, and there were several narrow misses that could have led to our deaths. The point is, we made it back.

And I was a hero again.

But that didn't matter. All that mattered was I would see Padmé again.

I had just gotten back, and was chatting with Senator Organa, when I saw a shadowy figure behind a column. I didn't even need to feel the presence before I knew who it was. And I could not keep myself from her any longer.

"Excuse me," I asked him.

"Certainly." He replied, walking away. I stopped, and waited for him to get a distance away, before I ran into her warm, loving arms.

I wrapped my arms around her, taking in the happiness I felt every time I was around her. I kissed her, not wasting any time in taking back what we had missed over five months. "Oh, Anakin…" she sighed, in my arms. "Thank goodness your back!"

"I missed you, Padmé." I whispered, holding her closer, feeling the world melt away as I stood there, with her. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing mattered as long as I was with her.

When we stepped back, and got a look at each other's faces, our hearts beating at the same rhythm, I realized she hadn't changed a bit, though she looked a little more frightened. "There were whispers…" she said, shivering a little. "That…you've been killed—"

I tried to calm her down. Smiling, I replied, "I'm alright…It feels like we've been apart for a lifetime." I moved closer, wanting nothing but to feel the passion of our love once more. I lowered my voice to a whisper. "And it might have been. If the Chancellor hadn't been kidnapped, I don't think they would have ever brought me back from the Outer Rim sieges." I tried to kiss her, but Padmé stepped back.

"No, wait, not here…" She was frightened again. This was odd. Padmé was never frightened of showing our love. But there was nothing to fear. We were together now, why should the place or time matter?

"Yes, here!" I said, annoyed by hear fear over a little danger. "I'm tired of all this deception! I don't care if the council knows we're married…" I tried to kiss her again, but she would have none of it.

But this frightened her even more. My recklessness frightened her. "Anakin, don't say things like that!" She didn't like the risk we took with our secret. I knew, she was the smart and more level headed then I was.. I sighed as she melted in my arms, leaning against me.

I suddenly felt her trembling. She was afraid, that I could tell…but there was something more…I remembered how sick she was when I left. Had it come back again. "Are you all right?" I said, looking at her. "You're trembling."

Padmé looked down. Like there was something she didn't want to tell me. I _knew _there was something she didn't want to tell me. And I couldn't have that. I hated when she kept secrets from me. And I knew, this secret was something she didn't want me to find out, something that she was worried about telling me.

So I jumped to the other conclusion, that there was another. "What's going on?" I demanded, perhaps a little bit too forcefully.

She took a small breath, not knowing how to break it too me. "Something wonderful has happened…" she said, not all together convincing.

My brain was puzzled by that. How could she be frightened, if it was something wonderful? I couldn't think of the possibilities, I waited for her answer.

We stared at each other, eye to I, with me wishing more than ever I could just enter her mind and know what it was. But of course, as she had proved, she wasn't one of the weak minded. "Ani…" she said slowly, leaving me hanging. "I'm pregnant."

There was a silence. I was completely stunned, my breath caught in my chest while I tried to process this information. _Pregnant…that means there's a baby…and if there's a baby…then that means…that means…_

And it hit me. I was going to be a father. Padmé was going to be a mother. We were both going to be parents, parents to a new life that we had created.

It all fit into place in my head as I blinked and tried to release the shock. _That's why she was sick…that's what she was nervous about…_

I still didn't know what to say. What could I say? I wasn't even sure if I could say anything, I was so shocked. "That's…" I said, noticing Padmé was looking worried over my reaction.

But there was nothing to be worried about. She had given me the greatest gift…I was going to be a father!

I smiled, laughing. "That's wonderful!"

She couldn't release her fear that easily. "What are we going to do?" she asked.

"Do?" I continued smiling, without being able to pull it off my face, for sheer happiness. "We're not going to do anything about it, all right?" A small smile appeared on her face. "This is a happy moment."

I pulled her closer. "The happiest moment of my life!" And I had meant it.

And we fell back into each other's arms with a passionate embrace. There was only one thought going through my head. _I'm going to be a father…_

Oh, if only things could have worked out so smoothly.

* * *

A/N: As you can see, I'm starting to make Ani EVIL!11one!1 The point of view of an evil person is fun. Since they never see themselves as evil, they see the world as evil and screwing them over…

But in the case of Anakin, I guess that was partially true…


	10. Restless Fears

A/N: Well, ROTS again…Anyway, I wasn't originally going to put this scene in, until I discovered there was a serious lapse in the plot! So, I added it in, and I am going to combine scenes in the last chapter…

**Chapter 10: Restless Fears**

I had just come back to Padmé, and she was now carrying my child. The war was too be over soon, and when that happened…Padmé and I would finally be able to pursue a life together. It should have been a happy occasion…filled with hope, and love, without a care in the world.

Unfortunately, it was not.

That night…I had another nightmare. The worst nightmare I have ever had. It was so much like the ones I used to have of my mother…Except it was worse, much worse. Instead of seeing my mother in pain, my mother dying…

I saw Padmé.

It was unmistakably her, crying in pain…dying…crying for me to save her. During my dream, my heart broke it two, because I wanted more than anything to save her…but I couldn't.

When I awoke, I was more frightened then ever. I know what those dreams could do…My mother had died from them. She died because I didn't act upon them, and save her.

And I made the decision.

I wouldn't let Padmé die.

I couldn't let her die…I couldn't live without her!

I had to do, whatever I could to save her, even if it meant turning the entire universe upside down.

Which it did.

But nothing mattered, I was willing to risk everything, to keep her alive.

I was prepared for that, yet I didn't know the sacrifice that it would take, what would eventually have to be done to keep her alive.

But, first, I questioned Master Yoda on this. He said that I should "train myself to let go everything I fear to love". Insufferable. How could I train myself to let go of her? I had no intention of letting go of her at all!

If the Jedi wouldn't help me, as I somehow knew they wouldn't, I would have to find a way on my own. I wouldn't let her die!

My fears of the war spreading to affect her were soon replaced of my fears of not being able to save her. I didn't know what I could do, Jedi had many powers, but not healing…

And I knew this would be above what they had usually trained for in sickbays.

But, after pouring over it in my mind again and again, I finally found something. Not really an answer…but something, something that I could do.

A daring, yet a concrete way I could keep Padmé from dying.

"Have you ever heard the tale of Darth Plagueis the wise?"

That is what Chancellor Palpatine told me. He told me an incredible story of a legendary sith who could rearrange the midi-chlorians to create life.

_To create life._

_To keep the ones he loved from dying._

Once he told me this, I froze, and thought over that thought.

_To create life…keep the ones he loved from dying…_

Hesitantly, I asked "He could actually…_save _people from death?"

Palpatine assured me so. And he told me that the Dark Side of the Force was a pathway to many unnatural abilities…

_Unnatural abilities…_

_To create life…_

_Keep the ones he loved from dying…_

That was it. There was a way to save her! I knew at that moment, that if I searched through the Jedi achieves, perhaps experimented, I'd know how to keep her alive! I could save her! And save others who would also have died!

I would have the ultimate power as a Jedi, to not only protect lives, but to save them from death as well!

I would be the most powerful Jedi, even more powerful than Master Yoda! Just as the Chancellor predicted!

But only one thing remained; how to receive this knowledge. I asked him if it was possible to learn that power.

He replied that you could not learn it from Jedi. Which meant only one thing, it was strictly a Sith power.

That would mean…I'd have to embrace the dark side of the Force in order to save her. But I couldn't…even though I disliked the Jedi code, I could never turn from them…I could never turn to the dark side. The Sith were evil.

But still…if that was the only way…

I hated myself sometimes, for thinking those thoughts, but when it came to Padmé…I was willing to do anything for her. I was willing to do anything to keep her alive…Was I willing, to do that to make sure she stayed alive?

I couldn't answer. I was in turmoil. Ever since I was a Padawan, I had confusion over my dream of Padmé and my dream of a Jedi Knight. Now it was a question of loyalties. Would I remain loyal to the Jedi, and forsake all chance of saving her, to do what some would call right? Or would I turn, not turn _evil_, but use a Sith power, to save her life?

I had to find a solution to my problem. I could neither forsake Padmé, or the Jedi…I would, once more, have to tread both lines. I figured that I could learn this amazing power, yet still be a Jedi. After all, what separated a Jedi from a Sith was good versus evil, wasn't it?

The galaxy was divided, after all, by good versus evil. A being was either good, or evil, that was that. That is what I had believed all my life. We were on the side of good, while the Sith, and the Seperatists, were evil. Evil was in their hearts, that was all they were. They had no compassion within them. That meant I could learn a power from the ancient Sith, yet still remain a Jedi, still be good, right?

I knew that, in my head, but my heart demanded a debate.

So, I thought about this question night and day. When I was around the Jedi, with them talking about a mysterious lord of the Sith lurking about, my heart wanted to say no to this, because somewhere, I knew, it was wrong.

But when I was with Padmé…I wanted ever so badly to learn that power, that I didn't care anymore. Padmé was the one thing that kept me held on to sanity in those troubled times.

And as I was thinking of that question, I was trying to retain my mind while realizing the world was slipping out of my control…

* * *

My decision came when I was with Padmé, once more. It was the afternoon after Obi-Wan had left, and secretly, for that I was thankful. He was starting to get between Padmé and I…

I thought over another one of my nightmares, trying to decide what would be the right course of action. Padmé was acting cheerful…More cheerful than usual. It puzzled me…Before I sensed a familiar presence…

"Obi-Wan's been here, hasn't he?" I asked, perhaps a bit too gruffly when speaking to her.

"He came by this morning." She answered brightly. That made my heart swell with jealousy. What business did _he _have with her? The smile faded from her face as she walked into our bedroom. "He says you're under a lot of stress."

I sighed. So, that was it. But I was still feeling a twinge of jealousy. Obi-Wan didn't have any right to talk to her about me. I stared out the window, to the cityscape of late afternoon, seeing speeders fly by like they did at all times of the day. "I don't know." I replied. "I feel…lost."

Padmé stared at me. "Lost? What do you mean?" Her chocolate brown eyes filled with concern. I hated that look on her…I would have much rather had her smiling brightly.

"Obi-Wan and the Council don't trust me." I admitted, looking away.

I could tell the look of concern on her was doubled. "They trust you with their lives." She assured me. I wished it was the truth, but it wasn't…they didn't trust me at all. It didn't matter if I was the "Hero with no Fear", it didn't matter if I was the "Chosen One", the fact remained they didn't trust me even though I had given them every reason to!

I paused, thinking over my current status as a Jedi…how I wanted to be a Master…how I wanted that power to save Padmé…how I wished I could have been the one to end the war…and I realized, "Something's happening." I turned back to her. "I'm not the Jedi I'm supposed to be." I was supposed to be a Master Jedi, with powers not even Master Yoda had! But the fact remained… "I want more…and I know I shouldn't." I turned away.

I did want more…I wanted more power than ever. I thought, that if I could control something, I could make it better…If I had amazing powers, I could keep people from dying…Keep Padmé from dying…

Padmé walked to me, and said in a calming voice, "You expect too much of yourself."

As I gazed back at her, confirming once again that I couldn't live without her, I knew that I would have to gain this power, somehow. I didn't care if I would have to search high and low, I just had to make sure she was safe…

That's all that mattered; that she was safe.

"I found a way to save you." I told her.

Padmé looked puzzled. "Save me?"

I took a gulp as I recalled the look of her face in pain. "From my nightmares."

She could tell I was worrying too much. And she knew what happened when I got worried. "I'm not going to die in childbirth, Ani. I promise you." She assured me.

But it wasn't enough…it was never enough. "No," I declared. "I promise you!"

Unfortunately, there are some promises that are never kept. But why was mine to be one of them?

* * *

A/N: OMG, he's going to the dark side! Nothin' much…see you for the last two chapters! 


	11. Suffering for Love

A/N: Oh man…this scene is hard to do…because I can do him going to the Dark Side, I can do him after he's gone to the Dark Side, but trying to justify the murder of little kids? Uh…toughie. Anyway, I'll try the best I can, but still…How can anyone still be good inside and yet kill off little kids?

Plus, the one thing I hated about this movie (Besides Vader's "NOOO!1one1!1") was how he just turned the Dark Side like that. "Join me." "Okay." It just…eh…didn't work in my opinion.

**Chapter 11: Suffering for Love **

I was in the worst turmoil of my life. I had decided to save Padmé, even though I knew I would, in the end, have to use a Sith power to do it. But I still felt guilty over it…even if I was using these powers for good…

I was more confused than ever.

And even more so, when I discovered that Chancellor Palpatine was a Sith lord, the Sith lord that the Jedi had been looking for. Anger and hatred built up inside me. He was a Sith lord, the one who had started this war, the one responsible for many deaths…

Even the near-death of Padmé, three years before.

I wanted to kill him so much, wanting to seek vengeance for all the Sith had done. And if Iwould havekilled him, I felt it in my very bones that I would become the strongest Jedi ever, able to help people…to keep them from dying.

But I couldn't kill him, it wasn't the Jedi way. Even though my blood burned to see him dead, I could not kill him. But I wasn't about to keep this quiet. I told Master Windu.

He assured me Chancellor Palpatine would be taken care of. But with turning Chancellor Palpatine in, another fear crossed my mind. With him gone, would I still be able to save Padmé? Could I still get the power I needed to save her, even if Palpatine was gone?

I pondered that thought over my mind so many times that night…I wanted that power, but how far would I go to get it? Would I willingly, throw everything else away, for Padmé?

Would I go against Master Windu, and all of the Jedi council, in the hope that I could gain powers to keep Padmé alive?

But when I thought about Padmé…I thought about all the joy she brought to my life. How whenever she was around, I felt calmer, I was at peace. She made my heart lift, made me feel like I never felt before…I couldn't lose her.

If I lost her…then I would lose myself…

I had to do it. I had to keep Palpatine alive, so he could teach me those powers, no matter what the cost.

I hastened over to the Senate building, to Palpatine's chambers, my heart getting faster and faster, knowing the danger. I wasted no time in bursting in, to see Mace Windu hovering over Chancellor Palpatine, who was unarmed at the moment.

Suddenly, Sith lighting burst from Palpatine's fingertips. He told me that the Jedi were taking over, that Windu wanted to kill him, while the Jedi Master was fighting off the attack. I didn't know who to listen to. Windu wanted to kill him…the only man who could help me save Padmé…

But Palpatine's power rebounded on him, distorting his face to an almost unidentifiable form. He couldn't keep up the attack. He moaned in pain as his powers failed him.

That's when Master Windu declared he would kill him. I was shocked, that was not the Jedi way. I yelled at him not to, telling him I needed him, but he didn't listen…he raised his lightsaber…

One thought ran through my mind, _Padmé… _

It all happened so fast, before I knew what I was doing, my lightsaber was in my hands…

Mace Windu was crying in pain…

The Chancellor shot Sith lightning from his fingertips…

And then Master Windu was gone.

I stared, my mouth agape. I couldn't believe what had just happened…I had killed…assisted in the murder…of Master Windu. I had killed a Jedi.

_What have I done? _

Several thoughts shot though my mind…_The Jedi will find out…they will come for me…I won't be able to save Padmé…they'll know…The Jedi will find out…I killed a Jedi Master… _

I didn't know what to do. I could run away, but they'd find me…and they'd hurt Padmé…If I stayed, they'd come anyway…But, if I left, then Padmé would die…and I couldn't live without her…

Then I remembered, Chancellor Palpatine could save Padmé's life…he knew what happened…he could teach me to save her…and if I learned that power…then I would be stronger than the Jedi…they wouldn't come after me…

Then Palpatine asked me to turn to the Dark Side.

At first, I didn't want to answer…I didn't want to become a Sith…but if Padmé died…I wouldn't be able to go on…I couldn't live without her.

And that's what made me do it…I did this all for her…to keep her alive…

Regretfully, I kneeled before him. "I will do, whatever you ask." I said, almost unbelievingly. I had become a Sith.

But I wasn't really a Sith. The Sith were evil…doing this for their own profit. I wasn't. I was doing this only for one person, Padmé. I was not a Sith, though I was learning their power. I was above them.

The Chancellor accepted me into his order, and gave me the name Darth Vader. I was still in too much of a shock over this happening. Earlier that day, I had sworn to destroy the Sith…and now I was joining them. But if it was for the good of Padmé, I didn't care.

He told me what I already knew, if they Jedi found out, they would kill us. All of them. They were the enemy. At first, I didn't want to believe it, but I knew, that by this, they would want to kill us. Kill me.

They would go against the Senate, he told me. To kill all the senators. Including Padmé…And I wouldn't let anyone go against her...I wanted to protect her, but I would be no match against them…the only way was to take them on before they fought the senate.

He also told me that by this, it would make my powers grow, in order that I could save Padmé…I could save lives…

I willingly did what he asked.

But at first, I hesitated. _What am I doing? _I wondered, as I marched towards the temple, lightsaber in hand. _I am going to kill Jedi…to take lives…why am I doing this? _

I remembered what Palpatine said, and how they would come after the senate next…_ They're going to kill Padmé…I'm doing this all for Padmé… _

And once again, my mind entered a hazy fog where I was not the one controlling my actions. My mind was running by my hatred, my anger at the Jedi…from my fear that they would come after us…I barely knew what I was doing, I just mechanically slew every Jedi I saw…for they were all the enemy…

There was only one other time where I hesitated. I entered into the Jedi council room, where many younglings had hidden. They were scared, afraid of what was happening, and when they saw me, they came from their hiding places. "Master Skywalker, they're too many of them! What are we going to do?" They asked.

I hesitated. _They're younglings…just innocent younglings…_ A part of my mind said. But another entirely said, _But they're Jedi…Jedi who will be trained one day to come after you and Padmé…Jedi, you're enemy!_

I ignighted my lightsaber.

After that small annoyance had been taken care of, I knew I had to go back to Padmé. I knew her, she'd be worried. I'd have to assure her that everything would be all right. And so after the Chancellor gave me the assignment to end the war on Mustafar, I had to visit her before I went.

I sped over to her apartment, where she rushed out of it to greet me. I caught her in my arms and instantly felt that she was shaking. She was hysterical. "Are you all right? There was an attack on the Jedi temple! You can see the smoke from here!"

"I'm fine," I assured her, she always did seem to worry. "I just came back to see if you and the baby are safe."

Her brown eyes held worry. "What's happening?"

I sighed, feeling the burden of knowing the truth of this situation. "The Jedi have tried to overthrow the republic."

She gasped. "I can't believe that!"

"I saw Master Windu attempt to assassinate the Chancellor myself." I admitted, remembering that event which seemed to take place so long ago, yet it had only been a couple hours since.

I looked down and walked away from her, looking at the view of the city, lit up by the fire from the Jedi Temple. "Oh, Anakin," she said, "What are you going to do?"

I took a deep breath, hoping she would agree with my decision. "I will not betray the republic." I told her, turning back around. "My loyalties lie with the Chancellor, and the senate…" I took her back in my arms. "And with you."

"What about Obi-Wan?" she asked. That question of Obi-Wan sent a sting through my heart. Why did she always want to know about Obi-Wan, anyway?

"I don't know." I said. "Many Jedi have been killed—" With that, I saw her give an inaudible gasp of fear. "We can only hope he's remained loyal to the Chancellor." I secretly hoped that as well. Obi-Wan had to be on my side…he had been my friend for years, how could he not understand?

"Anakin…" she whispered, all her weakness showing through. "I'm afraid"

I held her closer, trying to make everything all right for her. That's when I remembered why I was doing this. I was doing all of this for her…to keep her safe. She was my number one priority; my everything. I would shape the galaxy for the better, all for her. All to keep her safe. "Have faith, my love." I assured her. "Everything will soon be set right. The Chancellor has just given me a very important mission."

Her eyes returned with fear when I said "mission" I knew she hated it when I was sent off to war. "The Separatists have gathered on the Mustafar system." I continued. "I'm going there to end this war. Wait for me until I returned, things will be different, I promise."

I kissed her one more, feeling her fear flow through. I hated her sad and afraid…when the war was over, I knew she'd be happy once more, I knew it. "Please…wait for me." I asked.

And with that, I left in the speeder, leaving to finally end the war, and to make the universe right for Padmé.

* * *

A/N: Whoa…reading this over…I still think it ends up like the movie, in the beginning Ani good, in the end, not so good, without much of an inbetween…I hope it was alright…

Anyway, next chap is last…so, yeah, please read!


	12. A Bitter Destiny

A/N: Finally updated! I was kinda mad since I didn't get any reviews on the last chapter, but I finally got one, so I decided to finish this off. Anyway, here's the last chapter, I hope its not to shabby…

**Chapter 12: A Bitter Destiny**

After leaving Padmé to wait for me, I went to Mustafar to finish off the war. I had no regrets by finishing off the war; I could make the galaxy a better place for her. We could finally live in peace, without worry of anyone harming us.

I went there immediately, as soon as I got there, began my attack. I showed them the same courtesy that they had shown us; no mercy. It was only fair. And the only way to stop the war was to kill them. By doing this, I would be renown as a Jedi. And I would finally have the power to save Padmé.

After killing them, I felt the power flowing through me, the Sith powers enter into my very body. I was powerful, powerful enough to do anything, to be anything. I had achieved my dream. I was the most powerful Jedi ever!

But, overwhelmed with this power, foolish thoughts entered into my head. I remembered the people I had killed, people that would feed my power. _What did I do? _I asked. _Why am I doing this?_

_For Padmé. _I insisted. _I have to do this to save her._

Once again, I asked the question. _But is it worth it?_

_Of course it is! _I told myself. _I can't live without her!_

I thought that was good enough, but once again, I asked the question. _Are you sure this is all worth it…in the end?_

That one took me some time. In the end, I would be with Padmé, so yes, it was worth it, but I couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling that it wasn't. That thought kept haunting me, no matter how many times I pushed it away.

But then was not the time to dwell on such things. I had to send a hologram to my Master in order to tell him of my accomplishment. "The Separatists have been taken care of, my Master."

"It is finished, then." Palpatine replied, "You have restored peace and justice to the galaxy. You have done well, Lord Vader."

"Thank you, my Master." I answered.

He continued, "Send a message to the ships of the Trade Federation. All droid units must shut down immediately."

In truth, I didn't like being told what to do by him. Secretly, I loathed the Emperor, and all I wished to do was to destroy him in order to make the galaxy the way it was supposed to be. But I could not, not at this time. Not with Padmé like this. But I planned to, after I received my power to save her. For now, I had to follow orders.

"Very good, my Lord." I finished, turning off the hologram. As I was about to send the message to the Trade Federation, I felt a presence of someone I knew, their presence sending shivers down my spine. _Padmé! _I turned, and saw her ship on the radar.

I ran out of the room to meet her. What was she doing here? Why had she come? I had told her to stay on Coruscant, why didn't she stay where it was safe! As I ran out and saw her ship, I barely remembered to remove my hood as I ran out to her.

She ran into my arms, looking more frightened than I had ever seen her. "I saw your ship." I told her, holding her close, trying to make everything all right for her, once again. Even though I was worried about her coming, I was glad she had come. Her presence always seemed to calm me, and this time was no different.

I pulled back to study her face as she murmured, "Anakin…" She looked tired, almost weary of everything. More than anything, she looked worried; frightened. But it would be all right. I was there. I could keep her safe from whatever bothered her.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, full of concern. I was afraid something had happened, like the Jedi might have come after her, and she might have fled.

She replied, "I was so worried about you!" I sighed, she didn't have to be worried. She never had to be worried about me. I was the most powerful Jedi that ever lived. She wouldn't have to worry about me getting hurt, anymore.

But then she said, "Obi-Wan told me…_terrible _things!"

My breath caught in my throat. _Obi-Wan? _He had been talking to her again. What did he say? And these "terrible things" what did he want from her? I suddenly felt angry, my thoughts of being happy to see her faded away. Any time Obi-Wan was involved, it always got worse.

"What _things_?" I demanded, wishing I hadn't sounded so angry in front of her.

Her fright escalated, and I saw tears in her eyes. Had what he had said been so terrible that she had to come to me? In a quivering voice, she answered. "He said…that you…turned to the dark side!" I felt my heart sink in my chest. _That's what he told her…_ "That you…killed younglings!"

How could she believe that about me? Obi-Wan had stretched the truth. I had not turned to the dark side. I was still me. Still a Jedi. I was just becoming more powerful than the Jedi had imagined. I was using a Sith power to save her, for good. The dark side was evil, I was not. And the younglings, they were Jedi. Ones who would eventually try to kill me, and try to kill her. I was only doing this to keep her safe, not to frighten her.

I replied in a calm voice, "Obi-Wan is trying to turn you against me." And my anger for Obi-Wan grew, but I did not show it in front of Padmé. I just couldn't take it that Obi-Wan would sink to this. Telling Padmé lies to make her leave me. He was trying to split us apart, once again.

But she didn't want to believe it. "He cares about us." She said.

That struck me like a fatal blow. _"Us?"_ I demanded. She had told him about us? How could she do that?

Padmé nodded, and I noticed that her eyes were fearful…and looking as if she was starting to wonder if she had done something wrong… "He knows. He wants to help us."

This notion was all too amusing. _Obi-Wan, wanting to help us? _That was a laugh. Could she not see that all he wanted was to keep us apart?

She looked into my eyes, and murmured, "Ani…all I want is your love."

She had my love…more than she ever knew. I did this all for her, didn't she know that? "Love won't save you, Padmé." I insisted. "Only my new powers can do that."

The tears in her eyes threatened to spill. I hated those tears. I hated it whenever she cried. All I had ever wanted was to make those tears go away, but now they remained day and night. "At what cost?" she pleaded. "You're a good person, don't do this!"

Padmé still didn't understand. She had to. She had to understand that this was all for her, not because I was a Sith. I was doing it for a good reason, and that's all that mattered. I said, determinedly, "I won't lose you the way I lost my mother. I am becoming more powerful than any Jedi has ever dreamed of, and I'm doing it for you. To protect you."

That didn't calm her down, like I hoped it would. It just made her more scared. She suddenly embraced me. "Come away with me." She begged. "Help me raise our child. Leave everything behind while we still can!"

That was almost laughable. Padmé was never one to run away. She always told me that we cannot run away from our problems, we had to face them. Why now, would she want to run away when everything was made perfect for us? "Don't you see?" I asked her. "We don't have to run away anymore!" A smile crept up my face, as she started backing away, suddenly terrified.

"I am more powerful than the Chancellor!" I told her, in hopes that she would understand. "I can overthrow him!" I went on, extending my hand to her, begging her to listen to reason. "And then you and I can rule the galaxy, make things the way we want them to be!"

But Padmé…she didn't understand. She was too naive to understand that sometimes one had to make sacrifices for things to be perfect. She was too lost in what Obi-Wan had told her, and would rather have believed him than me! A tear rolled down her cheek as she looked at me. "I don't believe what I'm hearing…Obi-Wan was right…you've changed!"

Back to Obi-Wan once again. He had done all of this. Told her these things, changed her, making her not trust me anymore…turning her against me, like all the Jedi had done. Like he, who was like my brother, had turned from me. And now Padmé, the love of my life, was against me. They all were. Why was the galaxy determined to hate me? Why was I the one who everyone lost trust? Why was it me?

Why, even though I had done everything for good, I had done this to keep her safe, was everyone against?

I was now angry. Angry at everyone and everything. They all hated me, why shouldn't I hate them? But Padmé…I could never hate her. But I was angry that she had believed everything, and had followed Obi-Wan instead of me. "I don't want to hear anymore about Obi-Wan!" I shouted. I hated Obi-Wan! He had done this to her! "The Jedi turned against me, don't you turn against me!"

Padmé kept backing away, the tears still rolling down her face. "I don't know you anymore…Ani, you're breaking my heart! You're going down a path I can't follow!"

"Because of Obi-Wan?" I accused.

She cried, "Because of what you've done! What you plan to do!" She continued crying, "Stop! Stop now! I love you!" But I wasn't listening. I felt another presence. I turned towards her ship, and then hatred roared inside of me.

_Obi-Wan. _

I understood now, why she had come. She didn't come because of worry. She came because Obi-Wan made her. She brought him here for me! This was not the Padmé I knew. She had changed. Obi-Wan had changed her! She didn't love me, she had turned from me. She loved him!

"Liar!" I roared, exposing her plan.

She turned, and acted surprised that Obi-Wan was there. A false surprise, to be sure. "No!" she screamed.

I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take anymore of the lies, the crying, everyone leaving my side. It was all too much and now even Padmé was against me…I lost control. "You're with him!" I roared. "You brought him here to kill me!"

Before I knew it, I was using my new powers to choke her. She grabbed at her throat, still crying, "Anakin…"

Obi-Wan came down the landing plank. "Let her go, Anakin." He said.

I glared at him, but I didn't let her go. He had done all of this, planned all of this out! He had made her turn from me, he had made the Jedi turn from me, he did this to me!

He insisted. "Let her go!"

Inside of me, a small voice said, _I'm hurting Padmé! _And I released her. I couldn't keep hurting her…I couldn't…

As she fell, I remembered her last look at me, the shock on her face, the pain…pain from seeing me like this. She had turned from me, like everyone else…

The worst pain I had ever felt, was knowing that Padmé was afraid of me.

* * *

After Obi-Wan arrived, he challenged me. He didn't understand, just like Padmé didn't understand…they both didn't understand that it was all for good…no one understood… 

We fought, and my rage and hurt pushed me through. But it wasn't enough. Obi-Wan, smug Obi-Wan, ended up being the victor. He nearly killed me, slicing off my remaining limbs and leaving me to die on a slope near the lava.

He watched as I caught fire, and felt bodily pain beyond anything as I was burned. He watched, and didn't care. If anything, he was laughing at his triumph, my pain. He did nothing for me. My once good friend maimed me and left me for dead.

I thought I was going to die, to die and never see Padmé again. But for once, I had luck on my side. Even though I did not personally like my Master, he proved useful in showing up and getting me to medical aid. I was treated, and once again fitted with mechanical limbs, except now, all of them were mechanical, instead of just one. Because of the burns, I was forced into a breather suit forevermore.

I was becoming more of a machine, than a man. But that didn't matter…I was still mobile. Still alive.

I will never forget when I was finished, when they flipped the table up and the Emperor entered into the room.

"Lord Vader," he asked. "Can you hear me?"

"Yes, my Master." I replied, in a voice that was not my own. I hated this suit, which made me less than a man. I was nothing but half machine parts, half human now.

I immediately did the first thing that came to mind, I wanted to feel for Padmé, to feel that she was safe. Surely if he had seen her, he would have brought her as well? I had just been through a lot. I needed to see her, maybe apologize. Anything to get her presence to calm me once again. But I couldn't feel her presence. This puzzled me.

"Where is Padmé?" I asked. "Is she safe? Is she all right?"

His face hardened, but he spoke. "It seems in your anger…you killed her."

Those three words hit me like bricks. _You killed her…you killed her…_ It couldn't be…I couldn't have…no…it couldn't have been…

"I couldn't have!" I yelled. "She was alive! I felt her!" But I knew, somehow I knew, that Padmé was dead. And along with that…our child…

In my rage, many of the droids exploded, but I didn't care, I couldn't help it. I was feeling despair beyond what I had ever felt. Padmé was gone…she had left me…she was never going to be there, to comfort me, to calm me…to make me feel happy…

Padmé was gone…

And I had killed her…

* * *

With Padmé gone, I had nothing to turn to. I was left with nothing. She was gone, the remaining Jedi had turned against me, there was nothing left for me. The Emperor offered me a position in his empire, and I accepted, because I needed something…But even now, I always long for Padmé… 

I wish I could have found that power sooner, so I could have saved her…I wish so many things had and had not happened…but I cannot change the past. There is only one thing I can do, and that is to rule the galaxy the way its supposed to be, in vain hope that I may one day find that power…and one day bring her back…

But I know that will not be. The only time I will ever meet her again is when I die, and perhaps, then…I can ask her forgiveness…

Because Padmé…you're the only one I've ever loved.

Please forgive me.

_Fin_

_

* * *

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A/N: Whew! Finally finished! I sorta wanted it to end like the ending of a movie, where you can hear the SW theme start playing at the end.

So, I thank all of you that Bothered to review, and I hope that you enjoyed this story. Bye now!


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